October 2020
"I’m getting to the point that because of the condition of my heart being in such a place of healing, I don’t need my body to be healed anymore. And I want to be able to spread that joy and that hope and that trust that I have to other people...to know that your body doesn’t have to be fixed in order for your heart to be healed."
- Unfixed member Kristy (blowing our minds with her grace this month)
Wait. Did your heart start racing when you read Kristy's quote from this month's video? Mine did.
Kristy lives with the excruciating disorder called Trigeminal Neuralgia. You've probably heard it referred to as "the suicide disease." She is also a survivor or childhood trauma and has worked for decades to bring healing into her life. So you can imagine the overwhelming, full-body chills I experienced while listening to her video this month as she talked about the growing sense of surrender, trust and love she is experiencing despite her layers of pain. She's a beautiful demonstration of the dynamic continuum of living Unfixed - surrender and peace walking hand in hand with the determination to heal. Kristy had brain surgery last year to help mitigate the symptoms of her pain and just recently found out she will have to repeat the surgery. And then again on the other side of her face a year later. It's overwhelming to even think about but here she is, radiating her grace, committing herself to a path of sharing her joy with others and demonstrating that it's possible to find peace within the storm.
That's how adversity can transform us.
This month we explored our pre- and post-diagnosis selves. The parts we lost, the parts that have been reshaped and the parts that never would’ve been born had we not encountered the everyday challenges of living with chronic conditions. We heard resounding themes of, "I used to be more social" or "I used to be more spontaneous," "I had bigger plans for my life," and in the same breath "I am now more present, more empathic and more aware of my inherent self-worth." It is remarkable to witness in our 20 incredible Unfixed subjects how chronic conditions chisel away at their identities while simultaneously deepening and strengthening their characters.
Below in this newsletter, you'll find just a few of the Unfixed Community's memorable quotes as an appetizer.
THEN HOP ON OVER TO THE "I WAS, I AM" VIDEO AND FEAST ON EVERYONE'S INVALUABLE PERSPECTIVE.
I WAS, I AM.
I’ve changed, I don’t dream so big anymore. Small moments of beauty and joy and deliciousness. Belly laughs, the sound of the wind in the leaves changing as the evergreens blow strong language...are more important, more extraordinary. What everybody writes about - the best poets, the best spiritual teachers - about kindness and love being the most important things are true.
I’m more at peace with the outcome of ALS, but passing by suffocation is a serious challenge to maintain a peaceful mind through...I still have time to practice though, train in equanimity. Through my practice I aspire to grow into my spirit, such that even those strong cries of my body and survival instincts will be just leaves dropping on the ocean of my eternal self, so full of love there will be no room to fear.
I felt so much despair, like I was floating for so long not knowing who I was. And then when I was able to mourn myself, who I was, it didn’t matter because it doesn’t matter who I was, it’s who I am.
I’m not saying chronic illness and chronic pain and disease are not difficult, and some people lose themselves in it, but eventually, a lot of us with help and a lot of willpower and strength, are able to really look at what the illness has done for us, not what it has done to us.
What’s really interesting to think about is that I have a chronic illness now...but I'm healthier than I was in every possible way. I’m a lot more patient with myself than I ever was. The way I used to talk to myself, I wouldn’t talk to anybody that I care about that way - and realizing that has helped a whole lot.
I’ve become more willing to accept help rather than always being the doer or helper, which has been a big step for me. I realize that not accepting help robs somebody of the opportunity to use their spiritual gifts of helpfulness, love and grace.
More reading
Looking for some cool, autumn weather reading to do under your favorite blanket? This past week Authority Magazine published an interview I did with them a few months ago. Of course, I mostly discussed my favorite topic, Unfixed, and how every single one of the 20 Unfixed subjects are teaching us that irrepressible grace and compassion can live hand-in-hand with adversity. I feel proud to be able to celebrate them in this publication.
Stay tuned
Searching for your next favorite podcast? Unfixed and our partner Beyond My Battle have an exciting announcement... we'll share all the details along with our November video in next month's newsletter!
Thank you for continuing be such an attentive, supportive audience to the beautiful lives of the Unfixed as we continue to grow and evolve.
Kimberly Warner
director/producer